Bowflex has the Bowflex TreadClimber TC5000 for $2499 - $1250 off with coupon code BOWFLEXDEAL = $1249 with free shipping. Features low-impact and high-efficiency workout, commercial grade motor, 12 intensity settings and wireless heart rate monitor. Free Machine Mat included with purchase. 
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If you can afford this, you can probably also afford to pay someone else to do the workout for you while you sit on the sofa.
Thats also $750 they won't be spending on food, win win.
The truly important question is, though....how much clothing can you hang from this thing?