Today only. Sears has the Craftsman Bypass Lopper for $15 - $6 off in-cart = $9 with free in-store pickup. Shipping option is $7. Features a heat treated carbon steel blade, wooden handle, and a cushion grip.
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The kind that ratchet are much more powerful and nicer to use. This is old school.
Ever seen the movies Hostel and Hostel 2?
at least the dudes got laid by hot chicks before they got butchered...