Newegg has the Zalman CNPS7000C-AlCu 2-Ball CPU Cooler for $24 - $10 rebate [Exp 9/30] + $0 shipping = $14 shipped. Features pure copper and pure aluminum construction, enclosed 92mm dual ball-bearing fan, adjustable fan speed, and 17.0dBA ± 10% ~ 24.0dBA ± 10% noise level.
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LOUD
OK for low profile builds where there's little heat and the motherboard throttles fan speed appropriately. You can also mount it on your tin foil hat if you find your brain overheating from the bombardment of more waves the closer the election gets.
That's a neato idea, #2. Do you have details for a battery/solar panel mount to power the fan on a tin foil hat?